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Archive for April, 2011

Political heavyweights pour themselves into morning suits, and head for Westminster Abbey.

Apparently there’s a wedding on.

Parliament’s lesser lights are obliged to find other ways of basking in reflected glory.

That’s where football, bless it, comes in handy.

It guarantees a headline, a soundbite, a mention in dispatches.

It gives Hugh Robertson, our Sports Minister, an outlet for his frustrations.

Nice enough chap, not enough impact.

His big idea befits his background, as an officer in the Life Guards.

He wants to park his tanks on football’s lawn.

He’s branded it the worst-run sport in the country.

He can’t have been to too many cocktail parties with the Lawn Tennis Association.

Now there’s a sport living a lie, worth over £26million from the public purse.

Robertson’s crusade is based upon a series of statements of the obvious.

The FA is not fit for purpose.

The 2018 World Cup bid was a shambles.

The game is blighted by poisonous personal rivalries.

It is shaped by conflicts of interest.

You don’t say, Sherlock.

Football needs an independent regulator, a commissioner with a North American frame of reference.

It must be allowed to govern itself. Introducing legislation to force change is a step too far.

I don’t want to appear rude, when we’re supposed to be celebrating our national identity.

But do we really care for posturing politicians?

No, Minister.

29 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

Anniversaries are bitter sweet.

They’re meant to be milestones, reasons to be cheerful.

But, all too often, they are symbols of loss and regret.

Just ask Leeds United fans.

Ten years ago next week, they flocked to the Champions League semi-final against Valencia.

They were marching on together, blindly, into the abyss.

The dream dissolved. The club went from penthouse to poorhouse with bewildering speed.

Rio Ferdinand escaped the fall from grace, but few others flourished.

Peter Ridsdale, the chairman, has acquired an ironic reputation in football, as a financial Red Adair.

David O’Leary, the manager, is damaged goods. He’s just been sacked by Al-Ahli in Dubai.

The careers of signature players like Jonathan Woodgate, Alan Smith and Harry Kewell have expired on the treatment table.

Elland Road still has a Premier League feel, but not a Premier League team.

Leeds are in the process of blowing their chance of promotion.

Wins in their final fixtures, against Burnley and QPR, will probably be insufficient to make the Championship play-offs.

The fans endure, loyalty intact, but have every reason to look back in anger.

There’s a corrosive sense of expectation, a yearning for past glory.

In a football sense, they’re orphans.

Like the FA and the Football League, they don’t know who owns their club.

They should be treated with more respect.

28 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

The star of the video nasty was ominously familiar.

He had a saturnine smile, a hint of a sneer.

He knew he was being sacrilegious, and relished the offence caused.

It was vintage José Mourinho.

Defiant, devious, provocative, triumphant.

He mocked Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdes when he blurted “you don’t belong here.”

The Camp Nou groundsmen made his night by turning on the sprinklers to shoo him off the pitch.

Barcelona’s players didn’t need reminding of his antics when Inter Milan eliminated them from the Champions League last season.

But Pep Guardiola made them sit through a rerun before they flew to Madrid for tonight’s semi-final.

The subliminal message was unmistakable: do you really want to go through that again?

One man shouldn’t set the agenda for the El Clasico psychodramas.

But Mourinho burrows his way into the brains of his opponents.

Guardiola finally succumbed last night, in the Real Madrid press room.

Pre-match conferences are usually soulless, staccato affairs.

This one hummed with electricity and animosity. It was personal, not business.

Mourinho quoted Albert Einstein, and directly accused the Barcelona coach of attempting to influence referees.

Guardiola snapped at such a brazen attempt to annexe the moral high ground.

A year’s anger and irritation was poured into a 45 minute, expletive-laden, exercise in self-justification.

He railed at Mourinho’s “milkmaid tales”, and his army of apologists.

He announced their relationship had been “shattered”.

Gotcha.

27 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

The rubber chicken has been digested.

The platitudes have been delivered.

Football is in its gong-show season.

We present an alternative team of the year, in 4-2-3-1 formation.

To make it challenging, clubs can provide only one player, who must have been overlooked in the PFA awards:

Jussi Jääskeläinen (Bolton)

Deserved better than the humiliation of conceding five at Wembley. Matchless consistency over 14 seasons.

Martin Kelly (Liverpool)

Progress slowed by injury, but a prospective England international. Trail blazer for the undervalued Anfield Academy.

David Luiz (Chelsea)

Sideshow Bob meets Franz Beckenbauer. Defender with the nerve of a matador, the sensitivity of a poet, and the ruthlessness of an assassin.

Roger Johnson (Birmingham)

Natural leader, who proves that Championship players can take the step up to the Premier League.

Leighton Baines (Everton)

Best left back in the country, whose enthusiasm makes a pleasant change from the tortured excellence of Ashley Cole.

Scott Parker (West Ham)

Who said men can’t multitask? West Ham’s captain, manager, and most effective player. A one-man team.

Cheik Tiote ( Newcastle)

Enjoy him while you can, Toon fans. Combative holding player who recycles the ball quickly and intelligently. Ideal recruit for Arsenal, or Man United.

David Silva (Man City)

He has grown into the Premier League. His movement is wonderful – a modern midfield player who combines poise and penetration.

Wayne Rooney (Man Utd)

I know, I know. He’s been poor, by his standards. But he’s beginning to blossom in his new quarterback role.

Matthew Etherington (Stoke City)

His personal and professional lives are sorted. Gives Stoke the additional dimension of pace and width.

Darren Bent (Aston Villa)

Shaped seasons of two clubs – Sunderland can’t replace him, Villa can’t do without him.

21 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

Let’s talk about Cesc.

It is his favourite subject.

It covers the chasm between promise and achievement.

It captures a season unravelling, in slow motion.

Cesc Fabregas embodies Arsenal’s strengths, and weaknesses.

When fully fit, he is a force of nature.

He’s a gifted technical player, who leads by example.

But, this season, he has been diminished by disappointment and recurrent injury.

Personal ambition has become a distraction.

His latest musings, about a return to Barcelona, are all over today’s papers.

Inevitable, when the implications of unease are so obvious.

The timing – immediately before tonight’s game at Tottenham – is terrible.

Derby defeats already belong in the seventh circle of hell.

This one would be tortuous.

It would effectively concede the league title.

It would energise Spurs’ attempt to re-qualify for the Champions League.

It could happen.

Sir Alex Ferguson was revealingly bullish after Manchester United’s draw at Newcastle last night.

Arsenal look a traumatised team.

They lack spirit and a sense of responsibility.

Arsène Wenger is a prisoner of his persecution complex.

He deserves better than that, but do his team?

It’s a time of reckoning, of retribution.

Fabregas has challenged the club to be ruthless.

Fair enough.

When the squad is reshaped in the summer, he should be allowed to return to Barcelona.

If they will have him…

20 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

The supplicants will file into the cathedral on the hill tonight.

Their devotion has long since mutated into masochism.

They expect nothing, which is what they usually receive.

Especially when Manchester United arrive, with a bad memory to expunge.

Newcastle fans are conditioned to making a virtue out of their durability.

Their club is owned by a man they loathe.

It is managed by a man they do not trust.

Players they are programmed to revere do not understand the privilege of the faith placed in them.

José Enrique can’t wait to scuttle off, down Anfield Road, to join Liverpool.

Joey Barton will probably inflict his monstrous personality on a new employer in the summer.

Alan Pardew may have to manage with one hand tied behind his back.

Will it change? There’s more chance of Jimmy ‘Five Bellies’ going vegan.

Newcastle’s gates may say they are a big club, but their strategy is small-minded.

Everyone expects Mike Ashley to renege on his promise to recycle Andy Carroll’s £35 million fee.

The owner can afford to be smug, because he knows he has the keys to the drugs cabinet.

The locals can’t do without their fix of their favourite club.

Their optimism is too desperate to be persuasive.

Their dissent is too fragmented to be convincing.

If it wasn’t so familiar, it would be heartbreaking.

They will make a beautiful noise at St James’ Park tonight.

But no one will be listening.

19 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

Is Mario Balotelli worth it?

I’m not referring to the £24 million Manchester City paid Inter Milan.

Or the £180,000 he picks up, under largely false pretences, each week.

I’m attempting to judge him by real values, appropriate issues.

The answer is no, and begs a series of other questions.

Who does he think he is?

What was his behaviour at Wembley, if not idle incitement?

Why is someone so privileged so joyless?

Where is his self-control, his professional pride?

When will Roberto Mancini accept José Mourinho was right all along?

The Special One, remember, decided Mario was too much of a maverick.

Which is a little like Madonna condemning Lady Gaga as a show off.

It takes a rare genius to sour a once-in-a-generation occasion.

Yet Balotelli did it with ease.

City have reached their first FA Cup final for 30 years.

They can almost touch their first trophy in 35 years.

Yet the win over Manchester United was dominated by a delinquent.

Balotelli enraged United players with his playground posturing.

They overreacted, but were given a needless excuse to do so.

Mancini joked about throwing Balotelli in jail, but was apoplectic at his attitude.

He couldn’t be bothered to track back.

He exuded the sullen indifference of an angst-ridden adolescent.

The sum total of his contribution was a single shot.

He’s a car-wrecking, happy-slapping, fan-baiting disgrace.

The sooner he’s shipped back to Serie A, the better.

18 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

This is the main piece of my live column from Wembley. I also did a sidebar on Scholes. How did I know about Mass ? My Dad was in the congregation……

Two celebrated supplicants attended 11am Mass at Holy Rood Church, in central Watford, yesterday.

Robert Mancini and his assistant Brian Kidd found respite in the simple rituals of their faith.

The service offered a semblance of normality, a chance to pause, reflect, and find a sense of perspective.

They certainly needed it on a definitive day in the development of Manchester City Football Club.

Victory redeems, especially when it arrives on the biggest stage, against your biggest rivals.

Mancini was unrecognisable from the isolated, overwrought, figure he has cut in recent weeks.

He and Kidd embraced, until they were drawn into the madness which swirled around Mario Balotelli.

Passions boiled over; fingers were pointed, vengeance was promised.

Manchester United players left in a lather of anger and frustration.

The stadium was a riot of sky blue. City fans writhed and wept, bayed at a Blue Moon.

Everyone knew the magnitude of the result, not least Sir Alex Ferguson.

He stalked away from the posh seats, a superfluous accreditation badge around his neck.

The orders he had barked, into a microphone on his collar, were not followed through.

He will not forget his sense of impotence, or the pleasure taken in United’s downfall.

Mancini talks of building dynasties, making history.

Success demands stability. It is no coincidence that City have had 17 managers during Ferguson’s tenure at Old Trafford.

Mancini has spent £150million, attempting to redress the balance.

In today’s game, that means adding to a collection of strangers, in a strange land.

Despite the extravagance of their celebrations last night, none of the City players are linked, emotionally, to the club, or city.

Devotion is manufactured, at odds with the unquestioning loyalty of their fans.

You don’t have to believe in the Abu Dhabi project to identify with their joy.

They were intent on partying like it’s 1999, the year of City’s anarchic League One play off win over Gillingham.

Wembley has seen no more surreal sight than 35,000 of them, turning their back on the pitch, and doing the Poznan dance.

The contrast to the red hordes, sullen in their supposed superiority, exposed the cultural divide between the clubs.

Yet City are no longer the eccentric maiden aunts of English football.

They’re career girls in killer heels and tailored three piece suits.

A bit too self-aware for the makeover to be entirely convincing, perhaps.

But they’ve certainly grabbed the attention of the boys across town.

This one will run and run.

United pressed; City persevered.

They have turned patience into an art form, and Mancini waited for the fatal mistake.

Michael Carrick was the fallguy, Yaya Toure the man who exacted a measure of revenge for 35 years of hurt.

Managers are at the mercy of their players.

Mancini spent most of the game screaming at his pet project, Balotelli.

He was indolent, breathtakingly fickle, unsurprisingly provocative.

Yet, unlike Paul Scholes, he stayed on the pitch.

For that, the City faithful will forgive him anything. For now.

17 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

This is my main Sunday Mirror column today:

Jose Mourinho, the Edith Piaf of football, doesn’t do regret.

But, in a rare reflective ­moment, he will ­acknowledge a failure to ­follow his instincts.

He ignored an inner voice ­telling him to appoint Frank Lampard as Chelsea captain.

He put it to a players’ vote, because he recognised the ­political dynamics of the ­dressing room.

The rest is history, a club ­defined by the bristling ­aggression and self-­destructive certainties of John Terry.

He sees himself as a ­Chelsea manager in the making.

The role would ­represent a natural ­extension of his ­influence

Roman Abramovich, the orphan who ­became a ­billionaire in post-Communist chaos, identifies with the relentlessness of Terry’s ambition.

But, as he conducts the usual beauty pageant in the aftermath of an ugly defeat, he might be missing a trick.

If impatience, intrigue and ­innuendo continue to ­determine Chelsea’s future, everything, and nothing, will change.

Abramovich’s managers will continue to be multi-millionaire serfs, air-brushed from history with Stalinist ruthlessness.

Carlo Ancelotti won the ­Double without altering the ­culture of the club or the nature of the job.

It is no ­co-incidence that ­institutions like Liverpool and ­Manchester United have greater ­substance. They are scoured by ­sacrifice, shaped by men who have a taste for the game’s strange cocktail of cynicism and ­idealism.

Chelsea need to nurture a leader who is more than the ­extension of an Oligarch’s ego.

Terry’s the Regimental ­Sergeant Major who barks ­orders, bestows tough love and throws his body on the line.

Lampard is the Sandhurst type, a more strategic thinker. He’s emotionally intelligent, deceptively ruthless.

It’s time to give him the chance to become ­Chelsea’s answer to Kenny Dalglish.

He was 34, Lampard’s age when his current ­contract expires, when he ­became player-­manager at ­Liverpool.

Dalglish had the strength of character and sense of ­purpose to cope with seismic shifts in ­attitudes ­post-­Heysel.

Bob Paisley was the perfect mentor, wise and sufficiently secure in his own skin to pass over any opportunity to claim credit.

Guus Hiddink is ideally suited to play the same role for ­Lampard, assuming he can be lured from the twilight world of Turkish football.

At the start of the season, ­Lampard talked about his ­determination to burst the football bubble.

He feared the restrictions of his reputation, if he stayed in the game.

Alternative challenges in the property business ­appealed.

Like many footballers of a certain age, he found long-term injury offered a strange ­respite. It gave him time to think, ­reassess ­principles and ­priorities.

A move into management made sudden sense.

It is in his DNA.

Father Frank flourished on West Ham’s coaching staff.

Uncle Harry is Fabio Capello’s heir ­apparent.

Young Frank has always been a shrewd lobbyist, though we have disagreed, loudly, on the rationality of football’s ­rewards.

He is an object lesson to every aspiring pro each time he trains.

He speaks ­intelligently on a range of issues, ­attaches ­himself to ­appropriate causes.

He ­increasingly looks and sounds like a manager in waiting.

The problem is obvious.

Terry, his brother in arms, would resent any marginalisation. He defines himself by the authority he is able to wield, the example he sets so self-­consciously. He is ­surprisingly sensitive to his public image.

He sees the reclamation of the England armband as a turning point, a chance to rebrand.

The pair are football’s Gordon Brown and Tony Blair.

That relationship was ­fractured beyond repair by a common cause and a shared ambition.

It was the classic contest ­between a bull and a matador.

The bull usually ends up on a plate with chips on the side.

17 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog

Some stories are too perfect for words.

Take speculation linking Stoke City with Servet Cetin.

The Galatasaray defender answers to the nickname of “The Bear Choker”.

He is also, inevitably, known as The Beast of the Bosphorus.

No ballet dancer, then. More the cage fighter type.

We lap up this tosh because it panders to our prejudices.

For some, Stoke’s appearance at Wembley on Sunday is a heresy.

They drag football back to Year Zero.

They should feature Fred Flintstone in football boots.

A thinking football man, like Bolton’s Owen Coyle, will pick them apart.

Yet here’s the rub.

Stoke have established themselves as a Premier League club with few alarms.

They have an outstanding opportunity to reach the FA Cup final for the first time in their 138 year history.

Their fans are loud and proud.

The club is in tune with its community.

Their manager is straight from central casting.

Tony Pulis may have earned his UEFA A coaching badge at the ridiculously early age of 21.

Yet no one would mistake him for Pep Guardiola.

He’s an obsessive, who deals in outcomes rather than philosophies.

If you want to understand him, think back to the night of September 13 last year.

His father died early in the day but, despite expectations, Pulis turned up to give the half time team talk.

Stoke came from behind to beat Aston Villa.

They had beaten the odds.

Again.

15 Apr 2011

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Author: michaelcalvin | Filed under: Blog